My Boyfriend Wishes a Prenup. Can I Say No?

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I have been relationship my boyfriend for 3 yrs we have been living collectively for two of them. Very last week, he mentioned we should get married and that he would like a prenuptial settlement. I have always compensated my way in our romantic relationship, so I was shocked by this. He has additional revenue than I do, but it is not exorbitant, “Succession”-type prosperity. I agreed to his request due to the fact I was taught to be monetarily independent, but now I resent him for it. I’m nervous about what is to arrive somewhat than fired up to get married. Can I force back on this?


Had been there any hearts and bouquets in your boyfriend’s relationship proposal, or was it all prenup? I get it if you buried the romantic bits since you’re distraught by the economical proposition. But if there was no sweetness in it: Red flag! Normally, let us dig into prenuptial agreements, which are fewer frightening than a lot of people today believe.

About 40 % of marriages finish in divorce. That is frightening! So, no matter if your boyfriend managed to help you save $50,000 or inherit $50 million (nonetheless chump change for the nepo toddlers on “Succession”), I have an understanding of his impulse. Inquiring to defend his premarital belongings and divide these you build together, which is largely in maintaining with divorce regulation, does not make him a doomsayer about your connection any extra than purchasing hearth coverage can make him an arsonist. Things occurs — about 40 p.c of the time.

Now, allow me add that I am not generally a supporter of prenups for people with no significant property or liabilities, or children from prior interactions. (Sure, I am searching at you, health-related faculty financial debt!) Daily life is unpredictable. 1 of you may perhaps strike a profession jackpot. Or parenthood might depress a spouse’s earnings. But these issues may not occur for many years — if at all. Complicated prenups that divide property just before they exist or cap assist payments just before there’s a keep track of file of earnings are silly — and frequently unfair to the poorer wife or husband. So, talk to your boyfriend what he’s fearful about, and then hire a lawyer and hash it out. Really do not be bullied into a prenup, though: You just cannot marry the man if you can’t concur on what is good.

By a collection of regrettable events — like drug misuse and a transferring car — my brother is in jail awaiting trial. It’s a mess! The issue: Our mom a short while ago moved into an assisted-dwelling facility. She is just acquiring acclimated she also just asked about my brother, who ordinarily visits her. He desires me to assist prepare a mobile phone simply call with her, but I really don’t want to do that except if he claims not to point out his legal troubles. I consider it would be far too upsetting for her. My brother refuses to make that guarantee. What should really I do?

More mature SON

I know you want to guard your mother, and I regard that. But you haven’t shared anything that entitles you to management her romance with your brother — a heart condition, for instance, or an stress disorder. Consult with a therapist at her facility about the achievable results of your brother’s information or prepare for him to have that discussion. I’m positive his situation will upset her. Don’t think your mother can’t take care of it, nevertheless, just simply because she needs some aid with each day dwelling.

I bumped into a neighbor in the lobby of our making. I hadn’t viewed her for a although, but it was clear she had been through in depth cosmetic surgical procedures. Not to be judgmental, but I just cannot think about she thinks no one particular notices. I felt awkward obtaining a conversation devoid of to start with addressing the elephant on her face. And it seemed disingenuous to say: “You glimpse great! What have you accomplished?” How would you handle this?


Playing cards on the desk: I am appalled by your query, even though I’m confident you are honest. By your very own account, this female is an acquaintance whom you bump into occasionally, not a close buddy. Why on earth do you feel entitled to remark on her visual appearance, significantly less assert that it’s a prerequisite to other discussion?

Except neighbors request you especially about their adjusted visual appeal, say almost nothing. As for dialogue starters, go anodyne: “I have not witnessed you in ages! How are you?” Our acquaintances know if they’ve experienced cosmetic surgical treatment. They really do not will need us to notify them.

After decades as a homemaker, I eventually observed a job I was thrilled about and announced it proudly to spouse and children and close friends. But the work turned out to be a major disappointment, and I stop six months later. I have not instructed anybody due to the fact I’m ashamed that it fizzled so promptly. Now, persons are inquiring about my thrilling new position that I still left weeks in the past. It is having awkward. What must I say?


Go with the truth of the matter: “It did not get the job done out.” And quit beating on your own up. You are barely the 1st person to be unhappy by the realities of a shiny new work. Now, I really do not know the nature of your disappointment, but no position is ideal, and six weeks is an awfully small time period. So, hold in head — for following time — that endurance and negotiation can at times do the job superior for us than heading out the door at the to start with signal of difficulties.

For assist with your uncomfortable scenario, deliver a question to [email protected], to Philip Galanes on Facebook or @SocialQPhilip on Twitter.


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